Hear Our Call. . . Even the Silent Ones
I’ve had this feeling the past few weeks. There is a certainty to it even though it is so deep inside that I can only sense it. I just know it.
And this is it: Hashem (the Creator) is listening to my inner-most prayers. They are so inner that they have not yet been put into words. To me, a prayer without words is a sensation of wanting, needing or longing for something yet I am not yet able to verbalize it. The reasons for this can be varied. Sometimes, I am not yet clear enough on the issue. Sometimes there are so many issues surrounding it that I am unable to focus. Other times, I am afraid to voice the sensation because it might lead me to shift away from my comfort zone and as much as my true self knows it is what I need, the aspect of my physical self is not prepared for the change. Other times, the subject may be too painful, powerful, complicated or confusing and it is impossible to put things into words.
Whatever the case may be, I’m telling you that He is listening to and even answering inner prayers even without us speaking them out.
It’s true that speaking our prayers is integral to effect change in ourselves and in our lives. We need to voice and hear our words when we pray. And although we are instructed to pray silently during the Amidah (Jewish prayer recited three times a day), we are taught to pray in an audible tone - that is, audible to only ourselves.
Still, many-a-prayer remain in the heart. A number of years ago, I found myself walking around for months with a vague feeling of discontent. I had no words to put to it and at the time, I had no idea that if I try to speak with the Creator, He will actually listen to little ol’ me. So the feelings stayed inside. And my life dragged on. One day, it seemed things were coming together. I felt as though Hashem had heard my unsaid prayers and was answering my silent call to Him.
This sensation I’ve had the past few weeks is so familiar to me because of that period in time. There are many silent prayers sitting in my insides. Without analyzing it, I simply want to share and state that Hashem is everywhere….even or especially…deep inside you and me.
I am taking the time to share these thoughts because we need to always have hope that our prayers will be heard and answered – even when those prayers are silent ones; even when we are unable to verbalize them. Even when we, ourselves are unsure as to what it is we feel we are longing for and lacking.
In the Amidah, we say ‘Shma Koleinu’- “Hear our call…and accept our prayer with compassion and favor…for You hear prayers and supplications.” This is in the case where we are ‘calling’ to Him.
It is comforting to note that we also say, at the end of the Amidah, “May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable before You.” I may not always mean what I say while praying from the siddur (formal prayer book). My mind may actually be stuck on the silent prayers of my heart which are tugging so hard at me that they distract me from my tefillah (prayer). But that too, is my tefillah. And Abba, dear Father, please hear, accept and answer them as well.
May all our prayers be heard and answered l’tova (for good) – even the silent ones.
Blessings,
MashaFaygel