Oldies, Goodies & the Art of Rebounding
This coming Shabbos, the 8th of Cheshvan, will mark six years since my mother's passing. During the two years following her passing, Hashem slowly lifted the veil of negativity that tinted my relationship with her. As the veil of 'not feeling good enough, or loved enough' ' lifted, I was filled with memories proving to me how very much I was loved. This blog post is dedicated to her blessed memory - Chava Yenta bas Moshe Yosef and Chana.
I believe that as children we develop beliefs about the world around us which are based on interpretations of our experiences. In other words, we understand the world through filters. I would guess that most of us enter adulthood with a diminished sense of self based on beliefs like: I'm not good enough, I'm not important enough, nobody loves me, I'm slow, I'm ugly, I'm fat - or as in my case, I'm too skinny ... This is the stuff we need to work on when we choose to grow up. If we don't, many times, it can lead to illness later in life.
I believe unchecked mistaken childhood beliefs are what led me to cancer and I believe, as Rebbe Nachman of Breslov taught, If you believe you can damage, believe you can repair. Basically, if I am capable of leading myself to disease, I am also capable of leading myself back to well being. This may not apply to all people facing the challenge of serious illness. I cannot speak for anyone but myself. This, though, is my simple emes (truth) and the reason I decided to take responsibility - one of the reasons I chose a holistic approach for my healing. A number of months ago, one of my health practitioners told me that jumping on a trampoline would be very effective in boosting my immune system. Within 24 hours, we purchased a used mini-trampoline and I added daily rebounding to my healing protocol.
It was hard to keep going for more than a few minutes until I discovered that when I bounce to oldies music I can keep going for 20 minutes at a time or more! I felt my childhood calling to me with Come on Baby, Let's Do the Twist! Growing up in the 60's and 70's, transistor radios, vinyl records, juke boxes, and the music emanating from them were a big part of my life.
Rebounding to oldies brings me joy, happiness and glee! I sing along; I dance and I give my lymphatic system the best work out I can. (I also give my kids a laugh when they peek in at me :))
It occurred to me that there is a double healing going on here. I am rebounding back to the days of my childhood, bypassing the negativity and pulling out something that gave me joy then and gives me joy to this day. This is a tool to pull out something positive from my childhood experiences.
This theory proved itself last week. In my mind-body-soul treatment, we worked on the following beliefs I adopted in my childhood: I am less important. My needs are less important and the accompanying emotion - deep insult.
The following day while rebounding with free abandon, the song, Have You Ever Seen the Rain came on and I was suddenly taken by a feeling of sadness. It was old and it was familiar; it was that little girl feeling of hurt and insult.
I allowed the emotion to surface and pass through me. As Creedence Clearwater Revival sang about the rain I rebounded with tears rolling down my cheeks. The sadness remained with me throughout that day. It then left peacefully. It was like saying 'hello' and 'goodbye' to an old friend. I accept that these beliefs no longer serve me. This, I realize, is the true art of rebounding.
Life is too valuable to stay stuck in old and painful habits. They beg to be released; the true person that is you beneath begs to be freed. The tools exist; Find your way. Begin with prayer and the Creator will surely Guide you.
May all your paths lead to healing of the body and spirit. May we always be open to see the goodness and love that surrounds us... So much time was wasted believing I was less loved. Childish, isn't it?
Blessings,
MashaFaygel