I Believe We Can Do It
I couldn't stay away from My Simple Emes :) I had not planned on putting up a blog until after Pesach (Passover). And although I have chosen not to take the time to write a pre-Pesach blog, I'm indulging myself in putting up excerpts from another oldie. The year I wrote it, I was the hostess; this year, my family and I find ourselves the guests. Whichever 'side of the table' you're on, there is a message of truth here for us all. Read on...
As I sat down to plan my shopping list for Pesach I had to chuckle at the realization that at our Seder table we will have one guest who is Macrobiotic, one vegetarian, one gluten-sensitive person, and three folks who eat beef but not chicken all alongside the rest of us hard-core carnivores.
My mind went back to the memory of Pesach eleven years ago. Our eldest grandson was born and his Pidyon Haben (ceremony and meal for redeeming the first born) fell on Pesach. I decided I’d take it upon myself to host the event. That meant providing for a vast array of people with different customs regarding Passover and Kashrut in general; not to mention the vegetarians to be considered. I made a decision that I want only positive feelings surrounding this event – mine as well as our guests. I did my best to do it all b’simcha (with joy). I was
determined to be the hostess with the mostest. Don’t ask! We had kugels with and without matza meal; we had three types of chicken – each with different kashrut supervision; we had vegetable dishes for the vegetarians. We researched it with everyone and then I created a menu that would in some way enable each person to take part in the festive meal. We put out a buffet with little flags on each tray identifying the status of each item.
Was I crazy? I say NO! I wanted very much for our grandson to be the impetus for bringing peace and happiness into our family and not G-d forbid the opposite. We made it work and with Hashem’s help it worked well.
I look back on that and it gives me the will to receive our varied guests this Pesach with a smile, an open heart and a variety of foods that will tickle their fancy. As for the guests – all I ask is that they be their bestest. How? By understanding that even with the finest intentions the hostess is not always able or knowledgeable enough to satisfy all their needs. If the hostess is her mostest and the guest is the bestest then peace will reign.
By the way, I know a Sephardi woman whose daughter married an Ashkenazi boy. There is a vast difference in the way Sephardim and Ashkenazim eat on Pesach. There was no way this warm and loving mother-in-law would give up on Pesach with her new son-in-law. So she researched how to shop like an Ashkenazi (believe me, it wasn’t easy for her!). She bought new pots for Pesach and not only did she cook according to Ashkenazi custom, she also provided her own family with their traditional Sephardi foods! Ie. she cooked double!!!
Before you all start attacking me for promoting slavery in the kitchen, allow me to express the following: I am not advocating slavery, God forbid! What I am saying is, if you are considering it and it’s done with love and generosity, it is anything BUT slavery. It is an amazing opportunity to rely on Hashem, to keep a running conversation with Him, to catch and dispel negativity as it comes in, to trust that when we work towards providing our guests with a sense of feeling loved and cared for in the most culinary way, we are truly being all we can be in the kitchen – FREE. Yes. Free to choose to do it with joy.
Not everyone enjoys cooking. The kitchen isn’t the only place to ‘greet’ guests. There are so many ways to welcome our guests. It’s in the type of pillows they enjoy, the colors they enjoy, a little vase of flowers in their room. It’s about our ability to offer a sensitive and listening ear and even to drop what we’re doing and to sit with them over a cup of coffee or tea.
The mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim (bringing in guests) is major and is modeled for us by our forefather Avraham. He taught us to be the host with the most and to do it for Hashem’s sake. There is a sense of putting the other before myself- of nullifying my own desires to the comfort of my guests.
Getting back to Pesach, I heard a radio program this week about preparing ourselves spiritually for Seder Night. I learned the Holy Arizal taught that although the Israelites were on nearly the lowest level possible before the redemption from Egypt, Hashem skipped over that. Not only did Hashem pass over the homes of the Jews as He struck the homes of the Egyptians. He passed over our lowly state and showered the greatest Light upon us as He raised us to a level way beyond the place we were holding. If we’d had to wait to reach the level necessary to allow that kind of Light, it could have taken a very long time. But the time was ripe for redemption and in His Infinite Kindness Hashem simply gave it to us for free.
The rabbi on the radio program said we need to expand our vessels before Seder Night in order to receive the Light. It will be showered upon us but we need the vessels to hold it. The larger the vessel the more we can hold.
I connected that thought with my true desire to be the hostess with the mostest. It is my way of building my vessel. It involves nullifying myself to Hashem in my desire to provide for our family and friends. The less I am, the more space there is to experience Hashem. He is helping me and guiding me – in my menu, in my time, in my daily priorities.
As for my guests I request from Hashem, may they be the bestest and understand that if something isn’t quite right, I did my best.
Perhaps when hosts and guests alike nullify themselves to the other – we will merit experiencing the 'noneness' of Oneness.
May we finally merit the Light of Mashiach and Hashem’s true Revelation.
It’s time Abba (Father in heaven), please pass over our lowliness and bring us there….for free one more time.
Wishing all a happy and kosher Passover,