Blessed are You… King of the Universe Who Prepares and Guides Man’s Steps
I've been asking Hashem (the Creator) to help me write a blog. It's been so long. I actually, sat in my yard yesterday and wrote something. I then went into the website and while getting reacquainted with the dashboard, I found this blog, written exactly a year ago. For some reason, I never published it. I was very touched by it and share it with you hoping you, too, will appreciate it.
I sit on a park bench in the early morning thoughtfully gathering the strands - details of the past month. They are no longer loose strands. In a secret ‘knowing Place’ within, I begin to understand the connectedness. The developing realization knocks the wind out of me. Who in the world would have connected these?!
Hashem has led me through a labyrinth, weaving me in and out to get to the Place I am sitting right now. When that realization sets in, all of the vessels holding the messages – the books I felt forced to buy and read, the conversations (planned and unplanned), the events – in that moment fall away. All I see is Hashem guiding me to where I am now.
I begin to realize that He has enough faith in me to agree to grow, that it is worth it for Him to ‘orchestrate’ these perfectly timed details in order to bring me to this awareness and to the growth that will hopefully come from it. The road of growth is one that doesn’t let up. It is life itself. That is, to see Hashem in everything and to let go of stuff that holds us back.
In my experience, it is self-awareness coupled with gratitude which brings me to want to serve Hashem best. That means, to serve Him to the best of my ability in the present. And at every moment that ability changes.
He is so patient. Whereas I lack patience with so many things in my life, Hashem is soooooo patient. He knows my potential and it seems to me, He does not give up on me. He waits until I am ready to ‘hear’, ready to ‘receive’, ready to move out of my comfort zone. Sometimes I get stuck in the old stuff and from there it’s tough to move on. Still, He does not give up on me. He waits. He signals me. He signals me through my family relationships, through books I read, through videos I see, through songs I hear, through news reports, through unlikely emails, through Torah classes, through old lists which suddenly appear years after I’ve written them, and through aches and pains in my body. And He whispers to me as I move from sleep to morning consciousness; He whispers to me in the silent pauses in my daily conversations with Him.
How much am I willing to believe? How much do I believe it is my neshama (soul on high) guiding me to Hashem’s will? How much am I willing to see that there is more work to be done – that I am here for a reason?
It’s not just me. I am not unique. By believing someone else is unique in these things, perhaps in some way, we forego our own journey to peace. For after the upheaval and discomfort, comes an overriding sense of peace. We enter the zone of Peace with Hashem, peace with life’s events.
I am reading a heart-wrenching personal story of a woman who lived through the Warsaw Ghetto, Auschwitz-Birkenau, and Bergen Belsen. Today she is a great grandmother. Her story has been published in a number of languages. Here There is No Why, by Rachel Roth, is not only the story of the horrors of the evil Nazi killing machine. It is the story of a young girl’s will to live. Reading her story has taught me so many things. I feel so small having been born in these pampered times. We lose our will to go on so easily. An extremely hot day can drive me into a state of dysfunction.
Rachel Roth’s story of survival looms so large compared with mine. It’s almost insane to bring any parallel….except for this: We each have a life to live. And I say L-I-V-E with capital letters.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: without daily conversation with our Creator, it is hard for me to believe I would be able to see the seemingly separate strands woven together in the tapestry that is my life. If we don’t connect the dots, if we are not conscious of Hashem in, under, around and behind the details that make up our lives, what in the world are we doing here?
May we have the courage to connect the dots and greet the gratitude necessary to sincerely want to do Hashem’s will. I will end with a quote I read on Gutman Locks’ daily blog: “In this entire, huge Universe only a tiny human being can choose to serve G-d. “ – Gutman Locks.
Blessings,
MashaFaygel