Lost?
The other day I kept losing things. It’s not really like me to do that. I am pretty organized and make sure to put things down in their set places. By the end of the day, when I realized I had misplaced A LOT of money, I realized ‘SomeOne is trying to tell me something!’ It was just too weird.
Somewhere between panic and prayer, I gave it all up to the Creator. I needed it for the following day and I simply put it all on His Big Shoulders. When I tucked myself into my bed, I offered one more prayer and went to sleep peacefully knowing that if I find it, it will be His doing and if I don’t…that too, will be His doing.
In the morning I found the money exactly where I had remembered putting it. I was sure it was in an envelope. In reality, it was in a pouch. And so it was.
The subject of losing things stayed with me. It was obvious the Creator wanted to teach me or show me something.
In daily quiet time alone with Hashem, I examined the word lost and what it means to me. Things came popping into my head – relationships I feel I’ve lost, loved ones I’ve lost, the home we once owned. There have been times in my life when I felt I’d lost myself; times I was depressed and wondered where my happy self went. There were times I felt old and wondered where my youthful self went. There have been times I’ve felt lost in my marriage. There are times we are at a loss for words. There have been so many times I’ve lost courage to do the things I need to do…the things I really want to do. The things Hashem sent me here to do.
We go through life losing things. And, through awareness
and prayer we may be privileged to enter the Lost and Found Department in Hashem’s Place and retrieve what we’ve lost.
Sometimes I feel the secret is: we never really lost anything. It is all illusions, projections, fears, etc. These things come between us and the paths and talents gifted us.
In the material world, what does it mean to have something or lose something? Is it ever really ours? It belongs to Him. So I thought I had that money. And then it was gone…as if it never existed. And that’s what the material world is about. When we think it belongs to us we can lose it. But when we realize it belongs to the Creator…at best…it is a loan… a temporary gift.
What about the more essential things we feel we’ve lost in life – courage, vitality, love?
Can they ever be lost? Or do they just get covered over and concealed by imaginary thoughts, fears, and projections?
How much of what we really have gets lost due to fear of rejection, fear of what others will say, and fear of failure or success, feelings of unworthiness. Hashem created each of us with talents and strengths and the ability to give and receive love. Those things don’t just go away one day. They simply get covered over.
When a little girl writes a beautiful essay and her well-meaning teacher points out all her spelling errors with a thick red marker – ignoring the actual text- that talented little girl tucks away her writing talent –possibly for life – because the teacher taught her that she is not good at writing. Some day that little girl may uncover her lost writing talent and write stories, books, poems or songs. As long as she goes on believing what her teacher taught her, her talent will be a lost one; but not really…just buried.
When we feel rejected by loved ones, we may cover over our love for them because we fear we will be hurt again. We may convince ourselves the love is gone. Yet, I wonder, can it really go away? Can a person feel hurt by someone for whom she does NOT feel love?! If we didn’t love them so much, it wouldn’t hurt so badly.
When my parents and friends passed away I thought they were lost forever. In truth, in a certain sense, I feel them with me more than ever.
Maybe this sounds a little simplistic yet something very deep came out of it for me. The voice in my head told me – ‘You never really lost any of it MashaFaygel. It was there all the time…just like the money.’
So simplicity aside, I would like to challenge you to take a few minutes to think about the things you believe you’ve lost in your life and try to find your way to uncovering them. How rich we are.
To all those I thought I lost, and to all those who thought they
lost me, I recently discovered that the love has never disappeared. If we can learn to accept ourselves and one another as we are at every given moment, all lost love is free to flow in all directions. I think that’s the course of action here… for all of us.
Many Blessings,
MashaFaygel